I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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