so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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