I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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