do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
