Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
