i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
