He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize