I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
