we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My bed smells like the plague
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
