nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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