you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
