she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
