I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
