I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
