Michael Bay diarrhea
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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