dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
