just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
