Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
