Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
