His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
