apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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