either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
