Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
