I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
