I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
