i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
