His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found the puke drawer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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