Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
