Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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