I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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