It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
