i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
