You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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