I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
