Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
