bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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