respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
