Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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