I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
