Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
