I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
