Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
