quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
