I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
