Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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