My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
