Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
