I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize