Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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