drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
