I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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