I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
