you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
