Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
