Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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