you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
