Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
