i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
