ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
