My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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