she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
