Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
