On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize