Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
