I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize